[Creating Memories]

October 13, 2013

The brain is a funny thing. It remembers what we choose to focus on. I remember so much about this day, and yet, when I saw this photo, I didn’t remember that Jack-Jack ever smiled on this trip. The memories that I created on this day were not memories worth remembering. So how does one go about creating memories that make you smile?

This was our first stop on our trip to New York. Jack-Jack was 9 years old. We were just a short drive from home We were just a short drive from home when Jack-Jack started screaming. We stopped for him to go to the bathroom and get something for breakfast. Without this photo, I would have zero proof that a happy child went on this trip with us.

Creating Memories in NYC

We were taking our adult daughter to see Cinderella on Broadway. One of her dreams was to see a Broadway musical on Broadway. I wanted to make that happen for her, so I bought tickets for her 20th birthday.

Of course, we couldn’t take Jack-Jack to a Broadway play, but the boys had plans to visit the Museum of Natural History while we saw Cinderella.

I was already nervous about going somewhere like NYC. And not just nervous, but over the top anxious. New York City was such a big place. Disney was our familiar place. We knew Disney. Jack-Jack knew Disney. This was out of my comfort zone.

We had so many other trips to other cities that ended in disaster – the constant meltdowns, Jack-Jack licking doorknobs and other objects, hugging strangers, having to redo things that upset him – the list of strange behaviors was endless. The behaviors that embarrassed me. Every step of the way I felt judged by others.

Creating Memories of Fear and Anxiety

The worst part of this trip was that nine days earlier a young autistic boy had run out of his school building and was missing. Driving into NYC, there were signs everywhere. Huge, flashing signs, billboards with his photo. A constant reminder that you could never sleep, never let your guard down with autism. I prayed for that mama; my heart breaking over her pain. 

That could be my child; the fear of that was crushing to my soul. The entire time we were in the city, I felt a sorrow over a young boy I have never met.

I let fear, distraction, Jack-Jack’s meltdowns, self-condemnation, shame, and uncertainty rain over the time we had in NYC. I couldn’t relax and enjoy any part of life. And because I only thought of all the negative – because I was dwelling on the bad things, I didn’t see the laughter. I failed to see the joy right before my eyes. 

Yesterday, I went looking for a photo to show how miserable our trip was. I haven’t looked at these photos since they were taken, and I was sure the entire trip was filled with meltdowns and chaos. 

The Reality of the Trip

Guess What??? There was not one photo of Jack-Jack crying. There were only photos of his gigantic smile. I know there were meltdowns because those are the snapshots my brain took. The worst meltdown was at the Statue of Liberty. 

I know the tantrums happened. I know that my brain remembers them. But that is only part of the story. There were great memories too, but I couldn’t remember them until I saw the photos.

Since that time I have learned how to look for joy and in doing so, I have retrained my brain into taking snapshots of precious moments. Know I take a few photos of the meltdowns, but my brain remembers the laughter, the smile, the blessing of everyday.

One of our best moments we had was riding the same carousel that I rode as a child. The carousel was originally in Idora Park in Youngstown, Ohio, the town we grew up in. It now is restored and called Jane’s Carousel and is housed in Brooklyn Bridge Park.

So How Did I Begin to Create Memories of Joy?

It has been quite a journey to get to this point. It didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t wake up and decide to look for joy. It was a slow painful process. First, I needed to let go of many issues from my own childhood. I had to do the hard work to get healthy myself. Once I began to love myself, I could begin the work of training my brain to love my circumstances. That is just part of my journey of creating memories worth remembering.

My prayer for you today is that you look for the joy and remember the good moments. I promise you that they are there. And you will find that when you focus on those small little moments, there will be more just around the bend!

Read More:

Autism Travel: Planing a Family Vacation

AUTISM: And Suddenly You Have Hope for a Moment

Surviving Autism: Joy Comes in the Morning