I AM AN AUTISM SIBLING

This guest post is written by my adult daughter. She was 11 when Douglas was born, but she was probably around 13 when she realized he was different. We didn’t start using the word autism for a couple years after that. By the time she realized she was an autism sibling, she was in her teen years.

BEFORE I WAS AN AUTISM SIBLING

I remember the moment he was placed in my arms, not knowing my whole world would be changed by such a tiny little guy. I remember looking into his sweetly chubby face and falling deeply in love. The way his fine hair stuck up, and how he would cover his whole face with his hands so he could suck his thumbs. There was something so magical about meeting him, even different than when I met my other little brother two years earlier. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I do now. It was the pure, raw, human connection we would share. It was the very way his heartbeat and mine responded to each other. And it was the purpose we are meant to carry out together on this earth – to spread joy, share love, and help others feel welcome and find their callings. 

WAS THERE A MOMENT I KNEW?

Fast-forward a few years. There wasn’t a distinct moment I knew he was different – but more like a season. A time of transition where I began to see him for who he was, and who he wasn’t. For the things he’d be able to do, and the things that maybe he wouldn’t. I started to see that there would be a whole new world of challenges and changes in our home and lives. 

Douglas has autism. 

There is one moment from that season of so much uncertainty that I remember vividly. And for me, that’s a rare occurrence. It was the moment I showed my mom “the” photo. When I was a little girl I was fascinated with cameras. I would beg my dad to let me use his film camera. Disposable cameras were like candy to me. And as I grew older I desired to have a “real” camera. I would take photos of my little brothers, flowers, my animals, anything really. I wasn’t good by any means, but I was filled with joy when I had a camera in my hands. The day I showed my mom “the” photo will forever be etched in my mind. Tears filled her eyes. I thought it was just because it was of my little brother. I thought she just loved it because she loved his little face and the way his eyes sparkled. That’s why I loved the photo.

It wasn’t until years later that she told me on a day I was questioning if I was even good enough to be a professional photographer that the moment she knew I was meant to take photos was when she saw that picture of my brother. When she looked at that photo (and it still hangs on our fridge today) she saw the world through my eyes for the first time and she couldn’t wait to see more. I have tears in my eyes now as I write this knowing all the challenges I faced to get to my dream job of professional photographer. And knowing that at one time I set my camera down for almost a year and was about to walk away from it altogether. 

But even more so, I see the little guy who is autistic, and at the time we weren’t sure how far he would come. I see all the challenges Douglas has faced to get as far as he has. I see the sacrifices, tears, meltdowns, obstacles, victories, and love that it took to get to where we are today. 

The Joy of Having a Sibling with Autism

Being an autism sib isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s just plain hard! But I can look back now at every single hard moment and be thankful. That little boy not only helped me get to the place of finally fighting for my dreams but to start having even bigger ones. That photo that stills hangs on our fridge is a constant reminder of my purpose on this earth. Now when I look at it I see what my mom saw that day – a little boy full of more love and joy than any other little boy on this earth. But even more than that, she saw a glimpse of what he could be. A glimmer of hope in a season of so much uncertainty and pain. She saw the potential that was deep inside of him and not all the obstacles that seemed to be huge mountains in front of him. I see now how that photo not only changed how she saw Douglas at that moment, but how it showed her that he had the ability to change the lives of those around him. 

He changed my life and continues to daily. His autism makes him who he is, but it doesn’t define the limits of what he can be and accomplish. In fact, it enhances his ability to help others. I dream way bigger because of him. I love so much harder because of him. And I smile so much more because of him. I wouldn’t be a photographer without Douglas. That crazy, magical connection we had fourteen years ago in that hospital room when they placed him in my arms makes a lot more sense now. Because when a part of your heart is finally united with you, your whole life comes alive. 

If you’re an autism sibling, I encourage you to keep looking for the little glimmers. The small moments that are huge victories. The little connections, love-filled moments, and the things that make your sibling excited. Those are the things that are going to make a huge difference. You being there and just loving them is going to change their world, while helping them to navigate ours. The consistency and normalcy of you bring them safety and peace. It doesn’t have to look complicated at all. It’s as simple as holding their hand when they feel scared, hugging them when they’re overwhelmed, giving them butterfly kisses for the millionth time today when they need extra love. But most of all, it’s you accepting and loving them right where they’re at with no questions. These are the moments that will change their lives in big ways and will change yours in even bigger ways. 

I am a photographer – I am blessed – I am loved – I am an autism sibling. 

xoxo- Melissa

To read more of Melissa’s writings, Check Out her Instagram HERE!Instagram HERE!

To read more about our families journey with autism and some of our experiences with autism meltdowns, CLICK HERE!