WHY WE DON’T HAVE THE SAME 24 HOURS

Have you heard the saying, “We all have the same 24 hours, it is what you make of it?” Do you agree with this philosophy? At first glance, it sounds like a reasonable saying. And It is true that we all have a 24 hour day – just a mere 1440 minutes. But what isn’t true is that we all have the SAME 24 hours. In fact, there are so many things that we cannot control throughout our days. For instance, we all know people who only need 5 or 6 hours of sleep and others who need 10 hours each night. Clearly, these people haven’t been given the “SAME” 24 hours. The single woman has more hours to focus on her career than the mom with the autistic child or the child with cancer. First, I want to tell you why we don’t all have the same 24 hours. And then, I want to reassure you that if you are facing lifelong challenges such as raising a child with a disability or dealing with a debilitating disease, there are things you can do to make the most of those 24 hours.

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A TRUE TALE OF TWO WOMEN:

Bear with me for a moment while I give you a simple illustration of 2 women who clearly have not been given the same 24 hours. This is just a small example of time and the cumulative effects of one task we are faced with each week.

Woman #1:

Several years ago a friend remarked that she washed her hair once a week. This woman was in her fifties, and apparently only washing her hair once a week had been the norm for her entire life. 

Woman #2:

This is me!!!! I have had oily hair and need to wash it every other day – my entire life.

So, let’s look at the numbers. Suppose it takes 15 minutes to wash and dry your hair (which I believe to be an underestimate).  Woman 2 will spend 30 minutes more each week just on that one task. In one year that is an additional 1560 minutes more that women #2 spends washing her hair. But over the course of 10 years, that amounts to an added 15,600 minutes to woman #2’s life. That is a WHOPPING 260 HOURS DIFFERENCE in 10 years time, and equates to 11 days worth of time.

Now that is just washing your hair. It could be said that the woman who has to wash her hair every day can just wear a hat some of the days to get away with not washing. However, there are other real circumstances that you just can’t put a hat on. Let’s look at other issues we have to deal: having a debilitating autoimmune disease, or raising a child with autism or another disability, or even being the caretaker for a sick parent. These life situations can significantly change the amount of time you have to work on other things.

How to Find Joy with Less Time:

While there is little we can actually do about how often we need to wash our hair, how much sleep we need, disabilities, children having chronic illnesses, etc., there is something we can do about how we respond to circumstances out of our control. We can take the following steps to have a more joyful life.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF:

If you do not take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of your child? If you are tired, cranky, and feeling depressed, you are no good to anyone else. I will detail the steps below for self-care.

BE THANKFUL FOR THE TIME YOU DO HAVE :

While washing my hair for the third or fourth time in a week, I can be thankful for having 2 hands to wash my hair and for having hair. I can pray for the people in my life that have lost their hair because of illness or cancer treatments. Likewise, while caring for my autistic child, I can find joy in the little victories.

My son Jack-Jack is currently 14. He reads at the level of a first-grader. I can look at that and feel sorry for myself, or I can find joy in raising Jack-Jack. He has endless energy and brings joy wherever he goes. Being thankful for the little things helps you to focus on the truly important aspects of life.

BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS THAT YOU KNOW HAVE BEEN GIVEN “LESS” TIME THAN YOU:

If you only require 6 hours of sleep a night, use some of your extra time to be a blessing to others. Send get well cards, make a meal for a shut-in, visit a widow, offer to help a young mother that has her hands full. We can all find someone who has less time than we do. By helping others it takes the focus off of our current situation for a few moments and produces some feel-good hormones.

QUIT FOCUSING ON OTHERS WHO APPEAR TO HAVE “MORE” TIME THAN YOU:

I couldn’t find the author of the quote, “We all have the same 24 hours,” but I am quite certain it was not a mother. As mothers, we have to multi-task all day, every day, and most days we go to sleep knowing we accomplished just a fraction of what we wanted to get done. We lay in bed and think, “How many days has that load of laundry been in the washing machine?” However, when we spend our days and nights focusing on the fact that we have less time, money, or health than others, we rob ourselves of experiencing real joy.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADMIT YOU NEED HELP:

Asking for help! This is one thing I personally have struggled with for most of my life. Because of my traumatic childhood, I stuffed many feelings down inside me. Stuffing those feelings for years led to health problems – Hashimoto’s, migraines, fibromyalgia, digestive issues. Those health problems plagued me for years. Having migraines prevented me from leading a normal life.

Eventually, I got to a place where I could lay on the couch feeling sick, or I could take charge of my health. Finding a doctor to diagnose Hashimoto’s and then eliminating gluten dealt with some of the issues of Hashimoto’s, but surprisingly it also dealt with the migraines. I still have days I feel like a freight train ran me over, and I can hardly get up, but I have learned how to take care of myself and say that I need help, or let my family know that I just can’t do certain things. My husband has stepped up to help more around the house, especially on my off days. But I had to communicate those needs.

STEPS TO TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF:

I have detailed steps to taking care of yourself. You do not have to do them in order, but I do find it very important to do Step 1 first. If you fail to deal with your issues, you will make little progress in taking the other steps necessary to uncovering the joy that is already there.

STEP 1:

DEAL WITH EMOTIONAL ISSUES: I read a book that opened a door for me, Claim Your Power by Mastin Kipp. After reading that book, I knew I needed further help. The good folks at The Unleashed Healing Center (This is not a paid sponsorship; I do not get anything for mentioning them) further helped me deal with trauma. In fact, I had dealt with neck, shoulder, and upper back pain for too many years. It was just a part of my life. In one session, I literally removed the invisible backpack that I had been carrying around and the neck, shoulder, and upper back pain were instantly gone! (The Unleashed Healing Center can help you too – they do Skype sessions!)

STEP 2:

EAT HEALTHY: Eating healthy will, in the short run, take more time. However, in the long run, it literally adds energy to your body so you can accomplish more. Substituting those chips for a piece of salmon over veggies will give you so much more energy. I know those cravings, but I know when I have successfully resisted those short term urges and made better food choices, I have more energy and clearer thinking.

STEP 3:

MOVE: Even if you only walk 10 minutes today (or 10 minutes this week), you are already on your way to feeling better. And when you feel better, you will accomplish more.

STEP 4:

SLEEP: I get why this one is so hard. As an autism mom, I swear I sleep with one ear open all the time. I had my first child 31 years ago, and I joke that it has been that long since I had a decent night’s sleep. I may not be able to get all my sleep at night. Sometimes even a 15-minute nap during the day will help rejuvenate you for the rest of the day. I also know that when I am feeling incredibly sleepy during the day and can’t rest, drinking a glass of water will help perk me up.

STEP 5:

HYDRATE: Drink plenty of water. Coffee, tea, pop, alcohol and other beverages do not count. Water gives life. It helps us feel better, our skin look better, and it has a major effect on our brain function.

STEP 6:

MUSIC: Play music/listen to music that is good for your brain, soul, and body. Sometimes cranking up the radio and dancing just is the jolt you need to feel good today!

STEP 7:

PRAYER: While prayer is the first step for me, it may not be for everyone. However, God designed me (and even if you don’t believe in God, he still believes in you), and He wants to bless you. But if you aren’t hearing from God, you will never know how He is blessing you. I try to spend a few minutes every morning reading my Bible and praying. Prayer changes everything! It helps us to refocus, see things in a different light and grants us access to God.

STEP 8:

TRAIN YOUR BRAIN TO FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE/JOYFUL MOMENTS: When you begin to look for the joy, it becomes easier to find it. Train your brain to look for the joy, capture those joyful moments (on video or photographs, or even in a journal), and refer back to those moments often. If you don’t write them down, you will forget them. When you are feeling particularly down, look at your joy journal or joyful photos to remind you that you have experienced joy in the past.

While we don’t always have control over life circumstances such as illnesses, diseases, or disabilities, we can maintain a joyful attitude regarding our life circumstances. Since we don’t all have the same 24 hours, we don’t have to compare ourselves to others, and just compare you to yourself. I urge you to make the most of the time you have every day!