The Adventures of Jack-Jack

The Many Stages of Autism

A friend recently asked me how things were at home with Jack-Jack, and if he is doing better. As we started talking, I mentioned the current stage we are in and how hard it is, but we have had so many stages that seem to last forever, and at just the moment I think I will beat my head against the wall, Jack-Jack has moved on to a new stage. We have had many stages of autism. Some people call them quirks, but I define a quirk as something that lasts, while a stage is your brain developing and preparing to move onto another level.

With a typical child, you have the toddler stage, the preschool stage, the child stage, the tweens, the teens, etc. Because Jack-Jack experiences life differently, I have named our stages to reflect that. Today I am going to talk to you about the unique stages we have encountered, but they probably aren’t unique to many parents with children on the spectrum. So often we don’t talk about the realities of autism, and I feel that it is important for people to understand and accept our children.

Methods of Dealing with the Stages of Autism

Behavior modification is all the rage, but I believe that eventually, we will find out that it did more harm than good for many children on the spectrum. Have you ever tried to give up something or quit doing a certain behavior? What worked for you? Until I am ready to quit eating sugar, nothing anyone says or does will help me to stop. 

With every stage, I believe that Jack-Jack’s brain needs to work through something before he can move past the stage. And so, we allow him to work this out on his own with a much gentler approach. I call that approach love and patience. And while it seems to have taken Jack-Jack more time to get through the stages, the joy and kindness he exhibits even in the worst stages is amazing. 

The Quirks and Stages of Autism

Here are just a few of the stages we have gone through:

The Running Stage:

Jack-Jack would bolt. And he ran faster than most of the adults in his life. If we were at the ball field, he could often be found on the field, or across the field to another baseball diamond. Dealing with this stage meant staying away from certain places or wearing a harness to keep Jack-Jack safe.

The Stripping Down to the Underwear as Soon as we Entered the House:

Now this stage doesn’t sound bad. It is common for even many adults to change into “comfy clothes” as soon as they come home. But Jack-Jack didn’t change into comfy clothes; he stripped down to his underwear. He also did this when we entered other people’s houses. 

Door Handle Licking Stage:

At age 8, we went through the licking door handle stage. It was disgusting and the more we tried to get him to stop, the more he did it. At the height of this stage, we were in Washington, D.C. and he licked every door handle that we came across. EVERY.SMITHSONIAN.BUILDING. These door handles are touched by thousands of people a day, and my son licked each one like a door handle licking expert.

The Smelling Everything Stage:

This stage is similar to the Door Licking Stage (see above), but yet it is different. We continue to be in this stage, but it isn’t as bad as it once was. At one time, Jack-Jack literally smelled everything, but now it is reduced to smelling food, toys, and a few other items. He also wanted to smell everything at places such as Disney. Everything in a souvenir shop was fair game. 

The Grandma or Grandpa Stage:

Jack-Jack determined that people with gray hair were grandma or grandpa, and he would walk up to total strangers with gray hair and give them hugs. I will never forget the trip to New York City. We were eating at a cafe when he walked up to a total stranger and hugged him. Today, I just tell people that God put Jack-Jack on the earth to give hugs.

The Rewind Stage:

Our family still has a VCR. Many of our Disney films are VHS, and if you have one, you know when you rewind the tape it makes a noise. Jack-Jack was an expert on rewinding tapes, but he took the rewinding one step further. If his brain did not get the response that he needed to move forward, we would rewind. He even used a rewind noise. He would physically back-up to the point in our conversation where the wrong answer was given and we would try again. 

The Kill The Dog Stage:

Jack-Jack developed fears about the age of 4-5 years old. One of the fears that developed was of dogs and cats. When we would see a dog, he would start screaming, “kill the dog.” This seems funny now, but when your child is screaming to kill an animal, people tend to look at you like you are raising a monster, and they wonder what you are doing inside your home.

The When Are We Going to Disney:

This was another stage that lasted forever. Every day, Jack-Jack would ask hundreds of times, “When are we going to Disney?” From the moment he woke up, until the moment he went to sleep, he would ask over and over. Sometimes he would ask hundreds of times a day. And each and every time, we would say, “When you turn 10,” or “In September.” We found out that by putting everything on a calendar, he could count down the days until our next Disney trip. This helped tremendously. 

The Chewing on Sleeves and Neck Collars:

This stage lasted about 2-3 years. Every single shirt was ruined. Every long sleeve shirt had bite holes at the ends. We went through many, many shirts, and then one day, the stage was over.

The “I Have to Go Potty” Stage:

Jack-Jack learned that if he said he had to go to the bathroom, we took him. He began to ask to go to the bathroom anytime he wanted to escape a situation. If we were at a restaurant, and there was too much noise, he would say, “I have to go to the bathroom.” If we were at a movie, and a “bad guy” came on the screen or ominous music started, he would ask to go to the bathroom. The problem with this stage is we spent a lot of time in the bathroom, and if we choose to ignore his request, we ran the risk of him having an accident.

The Holey Sock Stage:

This has been one of our longest lasting stages, and also the one that has cost us financially. We are not quite certain how he does it, but Jack-Jack manages to get holes in his socks incredibly fast – as in he wears them two or three times. I think our family gets the award for the most purchased socks in a year.

The Many Stages of Autism – Our Current Stage is the Offense Stage

Jack-Jack is a very soft child. He gets his feelings hurt when I roll my eyes or correct him. If I yell to him when he is in another room, he will tell people that I yelled at him. He will hold onto this offense until the next person offends him. It wouldn’t seem so bad, but the whining and crying that comes with this is overwhelming.

There have been so many more stages through the years, but we tend to forget them because he immediately is in another stage that we are trying to navigate.

Read about another family’s non-verbal stage.