Questions for an Autism Mom

Today we met a man on our travels. This man approached me, was talking loudly, invaded my personal space, and after introducing himself to me, asked me for a hug. Of course, after living with this behavior for so many years, I said yes to the hug, and the 20 hugs that followed it. We were now friends, and John* (name changed) wanted us to celebrate his birthday and stay friends. I have so many questions for this fellow autism mom. 

The Look of Autism

So much of John’s behavior looked like Jack-Jack’s. The same mannerisms, the same loud talking, the same excitement in his voice, and the same invading of personal space. No matter how often we tell Jack-Jack not to get too close to a person, he doesn’t seem to grasp personal space.

When did John’s mother just accept the invading of personal space?

After talking for a while, we found out our new friend John had grown up in New Jersey, and is living north of Myrtle Beach with his mom and dad. We found out quite a bit about John in a short period of time. He loves Disney, and Disney albums and collects them.

How many albums are in John’s collection? Did you just give up the house to the pursuit of collecting the things John needs?

When it was time for us to go, I suggested keeping in touch on social media, but he doesn’t have any accounts. He does watch YouTube videos though. John told us he was 51. We were shocked because he doesn’t look a day over 35. We said goodbye to our new friend, but in my momma’s heart it was not goodbye.

 

More Questions for an Autism Mom

You see, as I laid in bed last night, I had a million questions that will forever remain unanswered. And they were mostly questions for John’s mom because I want to know the future. I want to have some peace now, and I don’t want to worry about what I don’t know. I suppose all of these things are true for all moms whether you are dealing with a disability or not. Moms are united in our worries and thoughts. Will they grow up and make wise choices? Will life treat them kindly? And the questions continue.

So here are my questions for John’s mom:

Do you worry when he is gone from home?  John was about 10 miles from home. Does John just leave? Do you know where he is going when he leaves? Does he have a tracking device? I wonder if Jack-Jack will have more freedom to leave the house and make friends with strangers. Jack-Jack is 14, but as an autism mom, I can’t imagine a day when he travels from home and goes to a restaurant, makes friends with the people there, and talks to strangers. And let’s not even begin to think about driving.

Why doesn’t he have social media accounts? Did John make friends online with people who took advantage of him? Or is social media not an option because of his age?

John also told us that he told us he watches YouTube videos with friends. Do you still monitor what he sees online? When does the worrying about inappropriate videos stop? John is a grown man, but inside he is still very young. Does the need to protect him ever go away?

While John looks 35, I wondered what his mom looks like? Does she look 20 years older than her real age? Does she have worry lines that show all over her face? Or has she embraced all that John offers the world? Has she found joy and blessing in his uniqueness? Does she still respond in love to John? My prayer for John’s mom is that God has given her a peace that surpasses all understanding, and He has blessed her with an abundance of joy.

Will Jack-Jack Gain Independence?

While I can’t know what John’s mother thinks, I can hope that Jack-Jack exhibits the same level of independence in the future. I can pray that he encounters people that hug him back when he invades their personal space. My dream is that he has the knowledge inside him to avoid dangerous people and can seek out kind, loving folks who understand his quirkiness.

If you are reading this, and you don’t have a John or Jack-Jack in your life, I encourage you to find out exactly how to respond to our children, no matter what their ages. If Jack-Jack approaches you and wants a hug, he knows that you need one. He has been given the ability to sense the feelings and needs of others. In fact, I am pretty sure that John has that ability too.

Yesterday morning, we had just finished eating a late breakfast. Jack-Jack had a bad morning, and I was already feeling overwhelmed and was in a pensive mood. I wonder if John knew that I needed that hug before he even asked me if it was okay to give me one. Did he sense my fears?

John was just being John

Meeting John was a God encounter. I hugged him, and I prayed silently for his autism mom. I wanted to be able to tell her that although her son was 51, he was bringing joy into other people’s lives. He was a bright light in a big, sometimes scary, world. He was doing what he was created to do. No masks. No pretenses. Nothing fake about him. He was just John.