There is a Way to Find Lasting Peace and Joy

There’s a perception out there that if young children misbehave, this reflects on your capabilities as a parent. If only you parented harder, some might say, then your child would know the boundaries and behave as they should. This is hardly the right attitude to bring to someone doing their best, who only wants their child to succeed socially and feel at home in their environment.

Some of the ideas below, I have personally used. I had a difficult child and it seemed as if no matter what I did, behavior didn’t change. However, when I look back now, I see that I had to put in a lot of hard work, on myself first, and then I could focus on my child. Getting rid of my own toxic thoughts and behaviors was a first step. Hopefully, you can use some of the ideas below to help your household find lasting peace and joy.

Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com: https://www.pexels.com/photo/girl-hiding-behind-a-throw-pillow-6275018/

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. As understanding has progressed, we still may know that some children require “more work” to discipline and guide. But such behavior is not always their fault. Does that mean it can be accepted? Of course not. Violence, an inability to share, or the very many consequences of poor behavior will need attention.

However, how you approach this issue can make a world of difference. In this post, we’ll discuss some alternative, empathetic measures geared to help both you and your child including positive reinforcement. Let’s begin:

Find a Good Church or Bible Study

First things first. Do you know Jesus? While this advice may seem a little preachy to some people, I honestly could not get through this life without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Find a church or Bible study that will help you grow on your journey to finding peace in your household.

Consider Screening For Autism & Other Neurodiverse Conditions

Most often, a child’s behavior is a way of communicating something they can’t put into words. Furthermore, it might be a sign of a deeper issue. If only to rule it out, it’s helpful to consider screening for autism or other neurodiverse conditions. 

If you’ve also noticed they have trouble with social cues, become irritated by loud noises, or have a hard time with changes to their routine, it could be an indication that their brain just processes the world differently. It doesn’t mean they’re “poorly behaved.” But rather, they just need more support in a world often not configured to accept them. Having this knowledge can help you understand your child’s needs better. This in turn can help you find new ways to support them and reduce their difficult behaviors. Eventually, it will help them feel more at ease in the world.

Recalibrate The Home Environment

Sometimes, the home environment could be a contributing factor to a child’s behavioral issues. We’d suggest looking at your home and seeing if there are small changes you can make to help your child feel at ease. Maybe they need a quiet, cozy corner to go to when they’re feeling frustrated. Perhaps they would do better with a more predictable daily routine so they know exactly what’s coming next. However, their outbursts may be to gain attention in a busy household with many siblings.

Or, maybe they never have a chance to rest because of how busy and populated the house is, and thanks to their highly introverted nature, their frustration is coming out in other ways. Don’t perform changes here without added behavioral support from your doctor and who they refer your child to, but don’t be afraid to make alterations either.

Another idea is to create daily routines to help your child feel safer in their environment. A good support environment goes a long way to help manage difficult child behaviors.

Check Your Own Attitude

Sometimes the problem is us. Often times when I had younger children, and I heard them say something very disrespectful, I could almost hear my own words. Children learn what they live. If you or other family members have a habit of rolling your eyes at other adults, children will pick up on it. Additionally, our own emotions can be confusing to children. When we get angry at Uncle Bob for reasons our kids don’t understand, this can lead to challenging behaviors toward Uncle Bob.

Modeling positive behavior and Christ-like attitudes toward others, and being respectful of the feelings of others, is a first step in teaching your child how to be kind. Furthermore, children cannot learn emotional regulation if they live in a household where mom or dad fly off the handle every time they get upset. AND power struggles between mom and dad don’t help either.

Checking your own attitude and doing the work to help regulate our own nervous systems will go a long way in helping a highly sensitive child regulate.

Watch the Music and Television

When I caution parents to be careful about what comes into your house regarding music and television, I always get groans and laughs. However, study after study says the same thing. Aggressive behavior is reduced when screentime is reduced. Many challenging behaviors seem to disappear when screentime is limited, especially with more sensitive children. Even when your children are not active listening to the radio, music or television, what you pump into your home affects all the people living there. 

Next time your child has a negative behaviour think about what music or television shows have been played recently. A study done years ago as a science project by  David Merrell showed the effects of music in mice. Merrell finished first in regional and state science fairs by demonstrating the impact of music on lab mice. After the mice ran through a maze in roughly 10 minutes, Merrell played classical music to one group and heavy metal to another for 10 hours a day. After 3 weeks, the “classical” mice made it through the maze in 90 seconds. The “rock” mice took 30 minutes.

However, keep in mind, Merrell’s first attempt at the experiment proved disastrous for the rock music mice. He actually housed all the classical mice together and housed all the rock music mice together. However, the rock music mice actually killed each other before the experiment was finished. “I had to cut my project short because all the hard rock mice killed each other. None of the classical mice did that.”

If mice can improve problem-solving skills by the music they listen to, it may be worth trying that experiment and seeing if your own child’s behaviour is impacted. 

Work on Finding the Positive Good Behavior

Sometimes it may seem like all you do is correct your child. When your child has many challenging behaviours, it may be difficult to find the positive. However, there are many different ways to catch them doing good things. Sticker charts for good behaviour or praising a child when they do good may not seem like effective strategies in the short run. But often times the negative behaviour is so ingrained that it may take time for positive strategies to work especially against defiant behavior. 

Catching your child doing something good and ignoring the little things that we, as parents, seem to get upset about, may seem like a full-time job. Before you find yourself yelling at your child over a small thing, take deep breaths. Then ask yourself if their infraction is really worth stressing over. Instead catching them doing good, may cause them to do more good things. 

Work With Educational Support & Specific Programs

Don’t think you have to resolve this situation alone, especially when there may be educational programs, professional help, or support referrals to help. You could reach out to their teacher or a school counselor to see what support they can offer, and they might have resources or ideas you haven’t thought of. 

There are also many specific programs and therapies that are designed to help with behavior and social skills. These can give your child the tools they need to succeed in their relationships with others. Perhaps they just need support from trained behavioral staff, or maybe they need to attend a special school that may account for a disability or neurodiverse condition. It’ll help take some of the load off your shoulders, as sometimes forcing a square peg into a round hole for the sake of “normalcy” is only going to make matters worse.

With this advice, we hope you can find a solution to assist your child with their behavior, with empathy for both them and yourself at the forefront.