DISNEY, THE CHURCH, AND AUTISM

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Once a pastor’s wife, in an attempt to understand our lives, asked me about Jack-Jack (our 14-year-old son with autism) and Disney. Does he get anxious with the crowds? What is it about the church that he has a problem with? Why can he navigate Disney and not the church? This made me contemplate Disney, the church and autism. I came to some conclusions which I will share with you below. 

 

THE CHURCH VERSUS DISNEY

When the pastor’s wife asked me about Disney and the Church I gave her the following quick answers. At church, the lights, the noise, the sounds, the language all bother Jack-Jack. But then I started to think more afterward. My answer made me wonder what the true differences were. Why did Jack-Jack have such difficulty with the church? And since we can’t ask Jack-Jack and get any resemblance of an answer that would make sense (comparing and contrasting are not things he understands), I started to ponder. Here is my understanding of why he loves Disney but didn’t love the church.

DISNEY ENTERTAINS

Disney is designed to entertain young and old. This is what they do best, from the movies to the songs and rides, everything about the franchise is entertaining.

The church is designed to meet with fellow Christians and worship God. But Jack-Jack only understands worship as doing what he was created to do. And to him, that is enjoying life, being kind, and loving everybody.

Jack-Jack was not designed to sit still for long periods of time and listen to people preach. He was designed to jump and dance when music is playing. Many traditional churches frown on this type of behavior.

DISNEY CAST MEMBERS VERSUS THE CHURCH

Disney employs the best of the best. Each and every trip we take Jack-Jack is met with kindness and dignity by cast members. He is made to feel like he is in a place just designed for him. Cast members are taught that some people save for years to go to Disney and it may be a once in a lifetime experience for people. They go out of their way to welcome, love and adore the people coming through the gates.

Most church members are not trained to recognize or deal with autism or other disabilities. Jack-Jack has grown up in the church, and he recognized many of the people there. Yet, he failed to learn one person’s name in the twelve years he was at the church. This may have been due to the size of the church itself.

Additionally, the church was a place of great judgment. I had heard, “You should…” or “Have you tried…” I am positive that the people saying these things believed that they were helping, but to a mom trying to hold it all together, I felt judged and alone.

Furthermore, when Jack-Jack would come home from church and say, “I’m stupid.” I knew he had heard it from someone. I am sure it was a child that didn’t understand, but great judgment comes from many churches.

CONCRETE IDEAS VERSUS ABSTRACT CONCEPTS

Something inside Jack-Jack understands Disney in a way that cannot be explained. In addition, movies and rides are concrete ideas. He can watch Toy Story, hold a Woody figurine, and ride the Toy Story Midway Mania Ride. These all help to cement the experience in his mind. It is something he can see, feel, touch, taste, and smell.

He may have an understanding of God that we don’t know about, but God and heaven and Jesus dying for his sins are all abstract ideas. He does not do well with abstract ideas.

SUNNY FLORIDA

Disney is in Florida. Florida has sunshine. When we are in Florida, our day is spent exploring, swimming, and being a family.

Church is in Ohio. Ohio has clouds and overcast days. Ohio has a dad that works too many hours, and a mom that stresses about a dirty house and broken toilets.

When we are at Disney, Jack-Jack has less stress and more sun!

PEOPLE PRETENDING

Disney is filled with people pretending to be something that they are not. Cast Members pose as cartoon characters so Jack-Jack can be who he is. There is nothing wrong with a 14-year old acting 6 years old at Disney. There is nothing wrong with a 54-year-old skipping and laughing. Your inner child is encouraged to come to the surface, and there is great joy in allowing that to happen.

The church is filled with people pretending to have it all together. You are encouraged to act pious, holy and more mature than you really are. This is in contrast to the teachings of Jesus which says, “Let the little children come to me,” and “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3)

SO IS THERE A CHURCH THAT WELCOMES AUTISM?

I spent much time contemplating all of this because church and autism are hard for almost all families. I even wrote this post over two years ago, and then it sat because I was unsettled. My faith, at that time, would not allow me to post it. I worried about what people would think. I worried about offending people. And then God moved me. He moved our family unit to another church.

And in that move, I realized that church can be more than what I had grown to expect. Two years ago, after trying to force Jack-Jack to fit in somewhere he was not designed to fit in, we visited a church that we had attended for several months about 10 years ago.

WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU GET OUT OF GOD’S WAY

So what happened when I got out of God’s way? When I quit trying to make things work the way I thought they should work? After one week attending the new church, Jack-Jack had remembered four people’s names. This was nothing short of miraculous.

We found love, joy, and acceptance. We found a church that welcomes Jack-Jack’s joy and allows him to dance and laugh out loud. He is comfortable worshipping in this church.

Now to be fair to the church he had grown up in, no one ever said that he wasn’t free to run and jump and laugh, but I would not have been comfortable allowing him. I realized that for years when it came to church I was trying to fit a star-shaped peg in a round hole. Jack-Jack’s joy shines so brightly, but I couldn’t see it because my eyes were clouded by other peoples expectations of him.

Now when he walks into the church, it isn’t like Disney but he responds differently than he used to. They recognize that we are sinners, but focus on the One who set us free. And Jack-Jack understands that focus in a way I couldn’t see before. He sees their hearts, accepts their words of encouragement, and gives them hugs that he reserves for those he truly trusts.

 

DON’T GIVE UP ON GOD

I had almost given up on church, but God, in His infinite wisdom, did not give up on me. He knew there was a gathering designed for our family. One that would lift us up. While our family feels that we have been blessed to find a place to worship that fits us, we are sure there are places for your family too.

Do you need help finding a place to worship? Do not give up on God. Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I would have originally thought that finding a church that had low lights, quiet worship, and a special needs program, was what our family needed. However, that is not where we ended up.

But, the place we do worship gives Jack-Jack the freedom to run and dance and laugh, and that is what he needs. But more importantly, what Jack-Jack needed most was a calm mother who felt accepted and loved. Jack-Jack needed a dad who was not ushering every week. He needed a family that was working on getting whole and a healthier version of ourselves.

Have you found a church that fits your family? Drop a comment below and let me know.