Dear Momma: Please Put Your Own Oxygen on First!

 

 

Eliminating Resentment by Taking Care of Yourself

Finding your place and your voice is a journey. Too often, moms are content playing “hero support” because we are helping others. But how can we really help others without helping ourselves first? When you are traveling on an airplane, the safety instructions always insist that you put on your own air before attending to small children. How often do we as mothers “give oxygen to others” before making sure we can breathe? Furthermore, we end up resenting everyone around us when we are stretched too thin. We can only find joy by making sure we take care of ourselves.

As a Christian, I was taught that by serving others, we serve Christ. And I believe that wholeheartedly, but even Jesus took some time away from others to rest and pray. As a Christian, I believed that taking time for myself only meant reading my bible and praying. I have slowly learned that rejuvenation comes in many forms. For me, that means going for coffee to clear my head, blogging, and finding my “voice.” For you, it may look different, but it is vital to find you.

Practical Ways to Take Care of Yourself

There are practical ways you can begin to take care of yourself and eliminate resentment. Moms tend to ignore our own needs and build up anger. However, these feelings block true joy. On this journey of looking for joy and uncovering blessings, we need to unearth every negative feeling we encounter and find the root of those feelings. If you are harboring animosity toward your family, you will not tap into that joy you so desperately want.

How do you go about eliminating resentment?

1. Speak your feelings
2. Let me repeat that in a different way: Before you become like a pressure cooker ready to explode, share your feelings.
3. If you need family members to help out, have a family meeting and divide up responsibilities. Do this when you are calm. Your family will listen better when you are not a raging maniac.
4. Understand that you have allowed the current system to continue, and it will not change overnight.
5. Avoid falling back into old patterns of letting resentment build up until you snap.
6. Pray – take your resentment and frustrations to God. When we get out of the way, God is able to work in other’s lives.

Ideas for Taking Care of Yourself on Your Quest for Joy

Finding joy by taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. One way of doing this is by taking time out for you. Are there activities or hobbies you used to like doing such as scrapbooking, puzzles, or reading a book?  When choosing what activities bring you joy, you should consider what genuinely makes you happy and what will improve your mental health. Why not schedule a daily music session, for instance, as the benefits of music for mental health have been well documented over the years. Similarly to this, dedicating a portion of your free time to physical activities like going for a morning walk or signing up for an online yoga class may be advantageous. Whatever you choose to accomplish, you must make sure that your needs come first and that you are taking the time to recharge.

I personally love going for pedicures, however, I still have a problem justifying the cost when money is tight. Therefore, family and friends know to give me gift certificates for pedicures for my birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas. They know this because I have told them. My old self used to say, “If they loved me, they would…” But that is expecting other people to read my mind. By telling people what I would like, I have eliminated many problems in my relationships.

Finding Joy by Taking Care of Yourself

I have a large family. If I spend all my time taking care of other people, but never take care of myself, I will burn out. Then I will not be able to take care of anyone.

If you take away nothing else from this post, please learn the following:

Dear Momma:
Your family needs you, and they will always need you, but they need you sane and healthy. It may seem like you don’t have the time to put on your own oxygen, but let me assure you that only by breathing, can you help others to breathe.

I understand your frustration, your confusion, and your loneliness. I understand that in serving others, you are tired and weary. In fact, I understand that sometimes all you need is someone to acknowledge that what you are doing matters, but I also understand that if you completely lose your voice, you slowly drown.

I know that after months and months and months of taking care of others, you question if anyone even notices you. I have said the phrase, “but there is nobody to take care of me,” and I have heard you say it too. The funny thing is NOBODY told me that I couldn’t have time away; nobody stopped me from getting some time to myself.

You see, I enjoyed being with my family and didn’t want to miss anything. I wanted to be there for every event, every dinner, every conversation. But sometimes I need to clear my head, and when I do take time for myself, nobody resents me. In fact, sometimes I think they are happy to spend some time without me.

Find something you love and do it with great passion. Take time to laugh, love, and enjoy life because (and I know it is so cliché) they will be grown before you know it, and you will have forgotten who you are.

Signed,
A Momma Who Took Way Too Long to Learn This Lesson