TEN THINGS I WISH I COULD TELL MY YOUNGER SELF

As an autism mom, there are things I wish I could tell my younger self (and since I can’t I am sharing this with you). Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and share some of my wisdom of today with the mom I was years ago. There are a few things I would do differently (not many), but most of the things I would do differently deal with my attitudes and viewpoints. 

With my first three kids I thought I had life figured out, but God, in his infinite wisdom, knew the only way to get me to give up control was to give me a problem that I couldn’t solve on my own.

And that problem came in the form of Jack-Jack, my autistic son who is now 13. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t view Jack-Jack as a problem. The problem was that it took me far too many years to find joy, but resting in God’s peace has enabled me to see things differently.

Just recently God has been showing me some things that I think are worth sharing with you. As an autism mom here are the things I would tell my younger self.

1) TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY

I think we get so hung up on the present that we don’t see that tomorrow brings a new perspective. I spent far too long only looking at the here and now that I couldn’t see the hope for the future. And there is always hope for the future. By focusing on the problems of today, I failed to trust that there is a bigger plan. 

2) CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO OVERCOMING

When I talk about consistency, I don’t mean a rigid schedule. I mean you, the parent, not giving up. Everyday, wake up, and be you. Love with abandon, hope like your life depends on it, smile when you feel like crying, and find joy in the little victories. Your attitude, your feelings, greatly affect the outcome. Your child, who has a world that seems out of control, will look to you as their barometer. You will set the tone for the entire house.

3) DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHAT YOUR CHILD WON’T BE ABLE TO DO

Get rid of the people in your life that don’t offer hope. If there is someone that is negative, remove them. Surround yourself with optimistic people who offer you encouragement and hope. The life you are leading is tough, and to wake up everyday and continue on means that you need inspiration from the people around you.

4) TRUST YOUR GUT

When Jack-Jack was 3 and 4, I would go to the doctor and ask questions and be told, “Don’t worry. He is progressing,” I wish I would have trusted my gut. When the doctor finally sent me to a speech therapist who didn’t listen, I wish I would have trusted my gut. When the speech therapist suggested an occupational consult when I felt it wasn’t necessary, I wish I would have trusted my gut. Finally, I walked away from the “experts” and read and listened to people who have been in my shoes.

5) IF YOUR CHILD FEELS SAFE, THEY WILL TRUST YOU AND TRY NEW THINGS

I remember watching a video produced by an adult on the spectrum. He said that until he felt safe in his environment, he couldn’t learn. This stuck with me. I look for signs that Jack-Jack is overstimulated or afraid, and I get him out of that situation. He has learned to trust that we always look out for him. And because of that, he is more willing to try new foods, activities, etc. He knows that we won’t push him beyond what he can handle.

6) QUIT TRYING TO TEACH BEHAVIOR ISSUES

QUIT focusing on the outcome and look to the why behind the behavior. When you find out the why, you can help your child overcome those issues. The world is scary, loud, and feels unsafe to autistic children. Don’t thrust them into that world without the safety net they need. Deal with making them feel safe before you deal with behavior issues.

7) QUIT FOCUSING ON TEACHING SKILLS

I teach necessary skills, but I don’t worry about trivial ones. Jack-Jack couldn’t button a shirt at age 5. The experts determined that  was a big “warning sign.” I decided not to worry about it. My philosophy was “between now and adulthood, he will learn.” And guess what? One day he buttoned his pajama shirt on his own. He still doesn’t tie his shoes, but we get slip-ons or find workarounds. There are some excellent products on the market to deal with shoelaces. 

When I only focus on the things he has a difficult time with, it becomes discouraging to both of us.

 

8) LISTEN TO SOME REAL EXPERTS – THOSE THAT ARE LIVING ON THE SPECTRUM

One of the most helpful advice came from the Aspergers Experts. These are adults who are living on the spectrum. They share insights into what worked for them and tips to helping your child succeed.

9) WHEN YOU LAY IN BED, SLEEP!

Jack-Jack needs so little sleep that I didn’t get enough sleep (I still don’t), but I would lay in bed and worry and think about “what if. . .” If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to quit worrying and just sleep at night.

10) The final thing I wish I could tell my younger self is to TRUST THE CREATOR

The bottom line. . .I wish I would have had the trust that comes when you don’t know the outcome, but you love and serve the one that does.

[bctt tweet=”I wish I would have had the trust that comes when you don’t know the outcome, but you love and serve the one that does. #autismmom” username=”pattyoh11″]

Psalm 30:11-12 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

THANKS,

Patty@ A Mother’s Random Thoughts

Read AUTISM: HIGH OR LOW FUNCTIONING AND WHAT THAT MEANS ANYWAY